


quiet

by goandneverlookback



Series: Second-Hand Sorrows [4]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Murphy siblings, Suicide Attempt, head canon, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 18:50:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12688116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goandneverlookback/pseuds/goandneverlookback
Summary: The house is too quiet for Zoe the night following Connor's first attempt





	quiet

The house is quiet. Too quiet. The air kicks on and off. The refrigerator hums. All the things no one ever hears but all of a sudden they are crushing. The absence of what covers the sounds up is crushing. The TV drones on to cover up everything never heard. The people on the TV show argue. Some semblance of normality, at least. Zoe’s long since lost track of how many cups of tea she’s made, how many episodes have played, how many hours have past. She stares at the TV, at her mug, out the window at the barest hint of a sunrise, but none of it registers. All she can see is…Connor. Connor, sweating and pale. Connor, tears streaming down his face for the first time she’s seen in years. Connor, writhing in pain in her arms. Connor, going limp, lips going blue. Connor, passing out and finally unable to fight her. Connor, waking up with two of her fingers practically down his throat. Connor, covered in his own vomit, shaking as his body fights to expel everything. Connor, being taken out on a stretcher. Connor, through the window of the room in the ER. Connor, pale and still against the white bedsheets. Connor, hooked up to more machines than Zoe can name, all of them fighting just as hard as she did to keep him alive. And then…she had to leave. They told her she was young, still a child, she needed to go home. Home was the last place Zoe wanted to be, but where else was she to go? She rattled off the address to the taxi driver on autopilot. And so here she sits, hours later, lost. She should have known, _dear god_ she should have known. They used to be so close. If they’d still been that close she would have known and she would have been able to stop him and they wouldn’t be in the situation they are now. She should’ve yelled for help, called for one or both of her parents, found someone else to go in first instead of her. But she heard his gagging coughs, and _she knew._ The only thing on her mind was getting to Connor. And all of a sudden everything is going on at once. Cynthia is screaming and crying and Larry is taking Cynthia away as he’s on the phone with 911 and Connor is heaving and vomiting and everything is loud. But Zoe’s mind is quiet. Only one thing matters, and that is the boy in front of her. Now the house is too quiet, and her mind is deafening.

**Author's Note:**

> -hello I have a lot of feelings regarding Zoe Murphy, the relationship between the Murphy siblings, and who might've found Connor  
> -projection galore  
> -if anyone ever needs someone to talk to, please please please don't hesitate to message me, here or on tumblr @ go-andneverlookback. There's always a better option.  
> -y'all are doing amazing. keep it up kiddos


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